if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
