i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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