I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
