Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
