Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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