i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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