I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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