I feel great
I just peed on a car
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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