I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
