No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize