i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
