I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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