so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found your dick twin last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
