I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
