WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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