so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
