lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
