I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize