did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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