i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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