I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
