Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
