You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
