i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
