Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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