I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
