Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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