everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
