Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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