I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
