I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
