God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So. Much. Porn.
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