Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
