Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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