I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
