First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
