a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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