Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
