I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
someone owes me an orgasm
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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