I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
