just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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