"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
