I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
