My hand turned me down
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
