sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize