So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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