I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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