You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
