all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize