i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
