Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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