I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
