we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
