We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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