Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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