Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
