k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
