I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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