Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
