I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
