You made me cry and you don't even care
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
