You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize