Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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