My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
