Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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