I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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