Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
