You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize