i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
