I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
