In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
