big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
