yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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