Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
