Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
