I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
