so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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