Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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