I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
